“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Jim Rohn
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” Mark Ambrose
The People Around You Are Either Your Anchor or Your Engine
Who you keep close to you matters more than anything else when you’re trying to get better.
I’ll call it what it is: getting well can feel bloody hard.
It’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, and it’ll make you want to crawl right back into the old numbness just for a break. And in those moments, when the voices in your head get loud, it’s the people around you who help you spiral or steady yourself.
That’s where Jim Rohn and Mark Ambrose were bloody spot-on.
If you spend your time with five people who still drink to forget, still rage at the world, still refuse to look inward, you will stay stuck there, too. No judgment, it’s just what happens. Sh!t I have been there. You’re not made of stone. You’re made of neurons and life events and stories that soak in whatever energy you’re immersed in.
But if you start surrounding yourself with people who are doing the work, sitting in therapy chairs, sweating it out in group sessions, cracking open books instead of beer bottles, asking hard questions, speaking truths no one else would dare…
Then your future starts to look different.
You Can’t Recover in the Same Room That Broke You
You can’t get well in the same mindset or social circle that normalised your damage.
Some of us are loyal to circles that keep us sick. People who mean well but never grow. Mates who joke about suicide but haven’t cried or shown emotion in 20 years. Even families can come into play here.
You don’t have to cut them out. But you do have to rebalance your orbit. They are just like the crabs in a pot; every time you want to leave, they will try to drag you back in.
Because getting better demands proximity to possibility.
You need to be around people who talk about things like:
- Accountability without shame
- Emotions without mockery
- Sobriety without boredom
- Purpose without preaching
- And pain, without pretending it doesn’t exist
So Here’s an Exercise
Now, I know everyone has a tool or an exercise. Personally, I don’t give a sh!t if you use it or not. I won’t be the crab trying to hold you back. However, if you are still with me and have come this far, why not give it a go?
I have the exercise below. This one will even help you get abs (don’t quote or hold me to that). Well, maybe abs of the soul and mind. Again, don’t hold me to that.
- Write down the five people you spend the most time with. Not who you love. Not those you used to be close with. Just who had the most daily access to.
- Ask, “Do they support my healing… or enable my coping?” Painful truth: a few of them loved me, but didn’t know how to love me well. They didn’t want me to grow; they wanted me to stay familiar. Predictable. Numb.
- Imagine your future if you stayed in that circle. Not dramatised. Just real. Where would I be in five years if nothing changed?
- Then you chose to adjust the equation. Not ditch everyone, but rebalance the scales. Create space for better influences.
Upgrading Your Circle Isn’t Betrayal. It’s Survival.
This can seem scary as sh!t, but believe it isn’t. You owe it to the version of yourself that wants out of the pit.
So start small:
- Say “no” to that night out if it’s just another blackout.
- Join a circle of veterans who are healing, not just reminiscing.
- Follow people online who share honest stories about trauma, growth, and grief, not just surface-level motivation porn.
- Hell, go to that men’s group. Sit in the back. Don’t talk. Just listen. Sometimes, proximity to healing is enough to start your own.
As I mentioned in other articles, the right people will turn up to help and guide you when you are ready.
Someone’s Watching You Too
Now, I don’t mean that in a stalker-pervert way. Unless you’re into that stuff. What I mean is you’re someone’s “one of five.” Whether it’s your kid, your mate, a younger vet, or a stranger who sees how you carry yourself.
You could be their reason to believe healing’s possible. Or their excuse to stay stuck.
Live like someone’s depending on you to go first.
Because they are.
My Final Word: This is a Team Sport
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
These aren’t just quotes.
They’re the gut-check of wellness. They’re a spiritual reminder to choose your circle as if your life depends on it, because in many ways, it does.
So if you’re tired of hurting… Tired of pretending… Tired of surviving when you know you could be getting well…
Look around.
Your circle is your mirror. Your future is already here. And you get to choose what it reflects.
And remember, you are a gorgeous, beautiful human being. So get out there and live.
